hopefully all my effort way back when hasn't been forgotten

So I’ve been out of action for quite some time now, but here I am back again writing away.
For the past couple of months I have been taking different medications for small scale psychosis, in my case believing something is a fact when there is nothing there to prove it, such as the idea of Mateo loving me. In such a small space of time I have come so far from where I was, I have met so many people, learnt so much, it seems that everything around me has changed, I have been gifted with a new life, a new me, and I am loving it. However one thing hasn’t changed, I am still quite intuitive, a little extra so you might say ;)
Once I found the correct medication my body went back to neutral and I function as normal per say.
Anyhow so I found myself again, in a bikram yoga class, of all places? Actually it makes sense, its where I go to meditate and focus on my inner self. I just realized that I needed no one except mysellf and my own love for my deepest self to survive. I just felt and knew that I was stronger than ever before, and I could hold my heart and keep it safe from everybody. I never knew that before. It sounds obvious, but I never realized. It is such a simple thing, independence, but when it truly hits you like that it is such a breath of fresh air!
So now my life at university and working and socialising, all in all its quite busy, but I still maintain very good contact with my family, in fact family bonds have been strengthened by my taking medications, communication is better and more frequent : )

All I’ve been thinking of all day is where to from here?
Over the summer I tested the limits of how much control my subconscious has over me, and I won. I saw a possible future pathway that could lead me through much struggle and pain and I was clueless as to how I would survive this test, because I knew for some reason it would have to be as an utterly standard human being part of normal society, without any intuition whatsoever. I got quite scared as you might imagine. However somehow I ended up in a Jewish park standing beside a massive ancient tree and I was so calmed by it, I felt bewildered and curious. I felt from that moment that Judaism was the key to surviving what was to come. It was the only way.
Guess what happened, within weeks I met a jewish person who is now one of my closest friends and supports me endlessly.
I don’t believe in God, but I do know instinctively that everything happens for a reason. But they need not be shared on facebook.
My point is I went from being utterly terrified of my future to wanting to know and being very curious about the keys to ‘surviving’ this future. I went from thinking I would be hopeless without that which has helped me every second of every day, my intuition, to hopeful, happy, and strong and only having lost my true self for a very short time.
I regained hope.

And that my fellow human friends is the key to survival, the key to a better life. Finding out what gives you hope, whether it be talking to people who are in a situation like yourself over the internet, whether it be joining a community and part-taking in that community situation regularly, whether it be facing your problems and realizing the positive side of them instead of burying yourself in the negative ‘to-comes’, whatever it may be, hope is the last thing in Pandora’s box for a reason.
It’s clearly the most important thing. Give yourself some hope, and you give yourself a new life. I learnt how to do it, and I believe that so can you!
If you look clearly at your goals, or even your inklings of a goal, write down a list of details that come with your goal, a list of baby-steps that will help you attain your goal, and most of all have patience for your goal may take years to complete, however if it is what gives you hope and purpose, then it is worth waiting for.
I do not condemn any religion, or endorse any religion. Remember I support every one and every thing. I love all. Regardless of the past present or future. I aim never to judge, never to hurt, and always to help.
So my current best advice to help yourself is take a little time out to find your deepest self, the part of you nobody else can or ever will know, make friends with that part of you, think about it a lot and feed yourself strength by giving your deepest self some hope.
They say music is the language of the world.. or is it mathematics, I can’t decide, either way they can’t do you any harm, so have some fun that way too ;)
All the best in every way
Pursuit of happyness “never ever let anybody tell you that you cannot do something”
Britta Vandenberg