Ok so I’ve done a little thinking, I’ve been listening to
some smart people, and I feel like my brain has kinda been reactivated haha : )
Anyway I feel a lot like I’m repeating myself, but people
forget, so I think it’s good to repeat and remind important messages.
I know for myself that my life so far has been amazing,
already I have stepped on the soil of many different countries, already I have
had the opportunities to learn from many different teachers, in different
places, at different stages in my life. I have been extremely lucky, I have all
my limbs, all my fingers, all of my brain, I am practically healthy and fit,
and I have been gifted with an extroadinary set of genes. I’ve been lucky
enough to have amazing influences on my personality all throughout my life, and
I should remember this every day. I am lucky to have this day, this time to
continue breathing, speaking, writing, loving, learning, enjoying, and
living. I am lucky and so are you.
You may think “oh but I have all of these problems”, and oh
how we people love to compare our problems, whoever has the worst wins! What a
lovely conversation? What a lovely use of words, time, breath? Something my
mother has introduced to me, through Buddhism, if you are going to speak make
it something worthwhile, avoid divisive speech that might cause an argument, or
the ending of a friendship or relationship for others and yourself, avoid
negative speech such as complaining, gossiping, and avoid speech at all unless
it is necessary such as a teaching, or instruction. When you think about it,
consider how many words, sentences, phrases, you speak each day? Think how many
negative things you say, and then how many positive. Aim to make the positive
speech win big time, over the negative. Praise people, give compliments for
free without any cause whatsoever, if you are going to aim to criticize think
about what you are saying, think about the situation from the other person’s
perspective, basically just think before you speak. I am really not very good
at this at this point in time, but I am learning gradually.
Sometimes however there are times in your life that are
truly, awfully, difficult to deal with. During these times it is quite natural
for people to back themselves into an emotional corner where they cannot get
out, cannot get better, where things can’t change. For these people it is
difficult to reach out for help, difficult to reach out at all for anything.
For these people always know, always remember you are not alone, you are never
alone, there are billions of other people out there sharing your pain, sharing
in your suffering, and just like you they want happiness, they want freedom
from suffering. Take the time you need to cry, to move through these tough
times, do things that you find nurturing, such as going for walks in nature,
reading a good book, learning to do something new, knitting or perhaps crochet,
going for a bike ride whether on a push bike or a motorbike, maybe go on a
little holiday, treat yourself to a bubble bath, or a massage, eat some food
that you loved as a child, or keep in touch with old friends from childhood, or
just old friends in general. Your life won’t improve at the snap of your
fingers, but if you can change your thinking from “oh this is awful, and there’s
no way out” to “this is awful, this has happened, I accept this, however I am
aware of all the opportunities that have been opened up before me due to
whatever has happened, I can see a path forward”. Sometimes writing things down can help, a
diary, or a letter to someone that you never send. Sometimes just spending time
with loved ones who understand without the need to talk or dwell on it can help
enormously. Other times sharing memories can help. If you are carrying a
burden, share the load, ask for assistance, don’t do all the work yourself,
there’s a reason for kids, for family, for friends, they are there to help, to
support. Another way to help yourself out, is simply to help others. Because
when you help others you are also helping yourself. By helping others you can
actually improve your health, and your wellbeing. So get into volunteering,
join a leisure group, do something for others, maybe even people in your own
circle. The little things always make the biggest difference, in your own and
others lives. So never give up on yourself, or others, never be daunted by how
big a problem is, because it’s the little things that help, always remember
that.
One thing that I have been hearing over and over lately is
how good meditation really is. Essentially meditation is just training the mind
to relax, relax the entire body, and the mind follows. Then as you become more
and more relaxed try to focus on one object. For some it is easier to focus on
an actual object such as a candle, a painting or picture, a view, a photograph,
a bowl of water, or a plant, whatever it may be, pick your object and try to
focus wholly and entirely on this object. The most common object is your own
breathing. And as you find your mind drifting off into life’s worries and
issues, into the past and the future, just gently, patiently bring the mind
back to your object. Sometimes it helps to focus on what muscles you use to
breathe, to imagine the breath going in and out of your body, sometimes
counting the breath also helps. As you begin to improve, as your mind reacts to
this training, you see benefits in other areas of your life. You feel yourself
relaxing more with things that happen. You feel a certain deep acceptance of
the nature of life, nothing is permanent, and there is nothing in this world
that will always stay the same, so just relax and accept the change, expect it,
come to know it well. Your friends and family will notice you become more
positive, less likely to engage in or cause conflict, your anger and attachment
to worldly things decreases and becomes less. Sometimes exercising can have a similar effect
on the mind swimming laps, jogging, working out, juggling, balancing, skipping
like boxers do, training certain skills repeatedly can be meditative too, even
things like cooking. Even if you are not comfortable with meditating, just
become familiar with relaxing your body and mind regularly however you wish to
do that.
So just to recap, remember how lucky you are to have lived
the life you live, and to continue to live such a life, appreciate every day,
every breath. Remember there is always a way forward, always another door to
open. Remember your loved ones, your friendships, nurture them and so nurture
yourself. Aim to act, speak, and think only positively. Remember you are never
alone, all humans suffer, all humans want happiness, it is a part of our lives
here on earth. And last but not least never give up, not on yourself, not on
anyone, or anything, because it is the little things that count.
I wish you all the best in every way
Britta Vandenberg
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